I smile in meetings, but cry in the bathroom
"I'm perceived as a solid person. I hold the bar.
In meetings, I smile, I even joke.
But between two visios, I collapse in the toilet."
- Anonymized excerpt from a call to our Pros-Consult hotline
Those invisible tears that are never included in KPIs
In many organizations, the weak signals of psychological distress at work are not absent, they are just invisible.
However, a weak signal is "early warning information, of low intensity, which may herald an important trend or event" such as a burn-out, sick leave or unexpected resignation.
Spotting these weak signals gives the company a chance to intervene before it's too late.
This first episode of our mini-series gives the floor, anonymously, to a suffering employee.
She didn't stop. She didn't make a scene. She just kept smiling...
But backstage, she was falling apart.
Through this story, we invite HR, managers, QVCT and CSR officers to ask themselves a simple but essential question: What if the employee who seems to be "doing well" is the one who is suffering most in silence?
The story: "I cried between meetings".
"A few months ago, I started to feel suffocated. Not physical, but mental. I felt like I was constantly playing a role. I'd smile on video, check up on colleagues, do my job. But as soon as the camera went off, I'd collapse in the bathroom. Sometimes I'd cry for five minutes, then wipe my face and leave. I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't up to the job.
HR Decrypt: why this story is not an isolated one
The psychologists on our hotline hear similar stories every week .
This situation reveals several invisible mechanisms that HR players need to be aware of:
- The ultra-adaptability syndrome: some profiles "fit" at any cost, to the detriment of their mental health.
- Fear of stigma: the fear of being perceived as weak or fragile prevents people from seeking help.
- Emotional performance: the company (often unconsciously) expects its employees to be positive, motivated and committed at all times - which leads to any unhappiness being masked.
Weak signals for managers and HR to detect
A person in pain won't say anything directly, but will often give off discreet signals.
Here are some signs to look out for:
- Repeated delays or shortened meetings "for another emergency
- Mood or energy changes from one day to the next
- Hyperconnection: e-mails or messages sent very late at night
- Cognitive signals: forgetfulness, unusual errors, difficulty concentrating
- Non-verbal communication: closed posture, shifty eyes, visible fatigue, frequent sighing, unusual irritability.
Taken in isolation, these micro-events seem insignificant. Taken together, they form a spiral of distress.
According to Alice, a psychologist available on the helpline, what emerges quite often from calls to the platform from employees is that they imagine their manager is "too busy" to add problems deemed "unimportant". In addition, the fear of being perceived as incompetent employees leads them to remain discreet about their difficulties so as "not to disturb.
These signals vary from person to person, because we're all different.
Psychologists know that what should raise the alarm is a change in behavior. So, to spot the signals, you need to be observant and attentive.
This can be a usually sociable person who isolates themselves.
A person who arrives earlier, and stays later, and for whom this is unusual.
Personal difficulties can have an impact on professional life. In the event of a major event in an employee's private life of which the company is aware, discreet attention can be paid to detecting any warning signs and offering support. - Alice , psychologist with the Pros-Consulte network.
Hence the importance of knowing individuals and their habits well enough to spot changes. Managers can be trained to detect these signals.
According to Alice, it's important to monitor relational tensions. Unresolved conflicts, social isolation, passive-aggressive behavior or harassment can create a deleterious climate and profoundly affect psychological well-being.
The EPIC tool for structuring observation
Our psychologists use the EPIC tool, which brings together four categories of manifestations to be observed:
- E - Emotional outbursts: irritability, hypersensitivity, sad mood or apathy.
- P - Physical disorders: chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, pain, migraines, dizziness, weight gain or loss.
- I - Intellectual difficulties: frequent errors, forgetfulness, difficulty making decisions or concentrating.
- C -Behavioral disturbances: isolation, aggressiveness, loss of interest in the group, personal devaluation.
How to support an employee who is already suffering
When the crisis is already here, it's no longer enough to detect the signs: you have to act quickly to protect the employee's health and prevent things from getting worse. Here are the key steps to effectively supporting a person in distress:
1. Providing an immediate listening space
- Confidential individual interview with the manager or HR and regular feedback.
- Listen actively, without judgment, and acknowledge the suffering expressed.
According to Alice, listening without interrupting, rephrasing to show that you've understood, and asking open-ended questions are key skills for picking up on weak signals.
2. Mobilize the right resources
- Offer external psychological support (helpline, occupational psychologist).
- Involve the Occupational Health Service for diagnosis and advice.
3. Establish regular follow-up
- Schedule regular check-ins.
- Maintaining links to avoid isolation.
Encouraging informal exchanges, proposing a simple moment such as a coffee break or a discussion outside meetings, can enable an employee to open up about his or her emotional state.
4. Work on organizational causes
- Identify the source of malaise: overload, conflict, lack of recognition... can lead to frustration, loss of meaning and disengagement. Giving meaning to missions and changes places the employee at the heart of the company, enhances his or her work and presence, and encourages buy-in.
- Identify sources of constant pressure: excessive workloads, unrealistic deadlines or unclear expectations can generate chronic tension.
- Implement concrete actions (training, process adjustments, mediation).
In addition to individual support, collective prevention is also essential.
Creatinga climate of trust, an environment where everyone feels listened to without judgment, encourages the expression of difficulties before they escalate. - Alice, psychologist with the Pros-Consulte network.
Why this story is relevant to you, as an HR, executive or QHCT manager
This type of situation is a latent psychosocial risk.
- It can precede a silent burn-out.
- It impacts motivation, productivity and loyalty.
- It weakens the culture of trust, especially if the person ends up leaving the company without anyone understanding why.
- It exposes the employer to a legal risk, as the legal obligation of prevention is not fulfilled.
An effective QHCT approach requires more than just yoga sessions or wellness workshops. It begins with the ability to detect and support these invisible stories.
Concrete actions to be implemented
- Train local managers to detect and manage weak signals, using tools such as EPIC or active listening. Via our Qualiopi-certified training organization, our occupational psychologists equip your managers to act and react in front of their teams, to detect and prevent psychosocial risks.
- Open Work Discussion Spaces (WDS), recommended by ANACT, to free up collective discussion. Discover the ANACT kit: Setting up and running Discussion Spaces.
- Train internal referents in mental health first aid, via PSSM (Mental Health First Aid) training. For several years now, Pros-Consulte has been working alongside companies to train sentinels via this global program, which the French government has made a priority for 2025.
- Include mental health in regular reviews (and not just in the event of a crisis): address workload and morale, and refer employees to internal or external resources if necessary. This requires that a relationship of trust be established, and that managers be trained to listen.
Don't be left alone in the face of weak signals
Would you like to set up a system to detect, listen to and support weak signals in your company?
Talk about it now with a Pros-Consult expert in RPS and QVCT prevention.
