The day when the manager stops holding on... but continues to say that everything is fine

It's 9:17 a.m. on a Thursday in September. Marc, a sales manager for twelve years, has just left a meeting room after "a slight rise in tension," as he calls it. In reality, he raised his voice, something he never does. He remains alone for a few minutes, surprised by his own outburst. Then, very quickly, he pushes his discomfort to the back of his mind: "This isn't the time. I have to stay strong."

This reflex is nothing unusual. It even sums up the psychological mechanics of thousands of managers in France: they take it on the chin, regulate, absorb, keep quiet... until they reach saturation point.

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The paradox is well known: those who support the most are often those who ask for the least. The Apec 2025 study "Mental Health Among Executives and Managers" reminds us that it is not a violent event that tips a manager over the edge, but rather a silent accumulation. What wears people down is not major crises, but the repetition of micro-tensions, emotional constraints, and conflicting obligations.

This article explores the roots of this managerial silence, its effects on the organization, and the concrete levers that HR/QWL managers can activate to break it, without making managers feel guilty and while sustainably strengthening their mental health.

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In summary:

• Why do managers remain silent?
  Because their role is based on the image of the "impregnable rock": holding firm, reassuring, absorbing. Expressing fragility means questioning this legitimacy.

• What this reveals about the organization:
  A managerial control system that is underperforming: little training, few opportunities to speak up, paradoxical instructions. The manager becomes the sole controller of everything... except himself.

• What are the risks for the company:
  Words overheard elsewhere or sanitized, invisible weak signals, a tense atmosphere, emotional stress that is not taken into account. And beyond health: human costs, strategic delays, less effective teams.

• What are the risks for managers:
  Overcommitment sets in, and the body ends up speaking instead of words: sleep disorders, irritability, loss of distance. Silence becomes a downward spiral.

• What can HR do?
  Allow managers to speak up: "Managers also have the right to say, 'I can't do this anymore.'" Create safe, external spaces, develop "managerial psychological hygiene," regulate invisible workloads, and encourage shared vigilance so that managers are no longer alone in bearing the burden of stress.

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The managerial taboo: silence rooted in professional culture

A role based on self-control: "I am legitimate because I persevere."

The managerial function has historically been built on the idea that holding on, controlling, and absorbing is a sign of professional maturity. Managers implicitly learn that their value lies in their ability to embody strength, provide constant emotional stability, and inspire confidence, even when they themselves are going through turbulent times.

In the Apec study, the majority of managers acknowledge that they feel obliged to push themselves beyond their limits in order to remain credible. This belief, which associates legitimacy with endurance, produces a particular mechanism known as functional denial. Managers perceive warning signs, but decide to ignore them so as not to undermine the image of reliability they wish to maintain.

The fear of losing face: a powerful psychological barrier

Talking about your mental health isn't just about well-being. It's about your professional identity. Saying "I can't do this anymore" undermines the image of the capable manager, the one who reassures, who arbitrates, and who holds everything together despite everything.

The managers interviewed explain that they fear being perceived as less reliable, less solid, or less capable of handling the workload. They also fear the impact on their career, the reaction of their own manager, or the impression that they no longer embody what they ask of their teams. This is not a lack of courage, but rather an internal conflict between loyalty to employees, loyalty to management, and loyalty to oneself.

Disabling hierarchical reactions: when speaking up becomes dangerous

Many accounts describe abrupt hierarchical reactions: minimization, trivialization, harsh reminders about performance or role. When a manager hears, "Everyone is tired" or "This is not the time to give up," they understand that expressing discomfort will lead to judgment rather than listening.

The consequence is simple: a single invalidating reaction is enough to permanently shut down the possibility of speaking up. The manager then retreats into a strategy of protective silence, but this silence accelerates burnout.

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The risks of silence: a dangerous spiral for managers and the organization

Overcommitment: when difficulty reinforces hyperactivity

A manager in difficulty does not slow down. On the contrary, he speeds up. He intensifies his investment, tightens his control, redoubles his efforts, and starts working even more rigidly.

It's a coping mechanism based on overactivation: the more tension builds, the more he pushes.

But this overcommitment quickly impairs judgment, diminishes the ability to take a step back, creates irritability, and promotes tension. By intensifying their professional efforts to mask their exhaustion, managers wear themselves out and then collapse.

The body speaks before words: somatics as the first signal

Most managers do not verbally express what they are going through. However, their bodies speak for them. The first signs are almost universal: short or interrupted sleep, neck pain, waking up tired, irritability, loss of concentration, digestive problems, inner turmoil, and unexpected emotional outbursts.

The APEC study highlights that more than half of managers report feeling extremely fatigued and that sleep disorders are widespread. As long as visible performance remains strong, these signs often go unnoticed. But these are precisely the signs that herald an impending collapse.

Emotional contagion: the direct effect on teams

Emotions circulate within teams, even when they are not expressed. An irritated, tense, or overly controlling manager unwittingly influences the collective emotional climate. Employees become more nervous, more sensitive, and more reactive. Tensions spread like a wave.

In other words, the manager's silence never remains individual: it becomes collective.

Organizational barriers that prevent managers from speaking up

Lack of training: structural job insecurity

Most managers have not been trained in detecting weak signals, managing vulnerabilities, or maintaining composure in emotionally charged situations. This lack of tools creates doubt: "If I already struggle to support others, how can I allow myself to express my own limitations?"

The manager then becomes trapped in over-adaptation and improvisation, two well-known risk factors in the prevention of psychosocial risks.

The absence of organizational regulation: a void that weakens everyone

In many companies, there are no regulatory spaces. Load balancing decisions are made late, emotional difficulties are not addressed, supervision is rare, and feedback on practices is virtually non-existent.

In occupational health clinics, three types of regulation are essential: operational regulation, emotional regulation, and identity regulation. When these are lacking, the manager becomes the sole regulator of the ecosystem... to the point of exhaustion.

Paradoxical injunctions: a permanent identity conflict

Being a manager today means navigating a constant paradox: being human without being overly emotional, being close without being overly familiar, listening but remaining effective, protecting but enforcing difficult decisions, embodying the collective while absorbing the individual.

This climate creates profound moral stress. Talking becomes difficult because managers no longer know what falls under their responsibility, what falls under their role, or what falls under the organization.

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What HR can implement: the strategy that truly transforms the situation

Set clear boundaries: “Managers are not heroes.”

The first step is to explicitly authorize speaking up. This involves clear institutional messages reaffirming that mental health is part of working conditions, that vulnerability is not professional misconduct, and that asking for help is a responsible thing to do.

This permission to express one's limits is not a gesture of comfort. It is a preventive requirement, enshrined in the employer's legal obligations.

Provide secure, outsourced spaces

Managers do not speak in front of their superiors. Instead, they speak in confidential, neutral, and protected spaces. Outsourced services such as psychological helplines, managerial supervision, co-development, and individual support then become places where tensions can be resolved, perspective can be regained, and attitudes can be readjusted.

The effects of an external forum:

• Reduced isolation,

• Improved perspective and analytical skills,

• Prevention of over-adaptation mechanisms.

Train managers in psychological hygiene in management

Relevant training is not intended to teach managers to become psychologists. Rather, it aims to strengthen their professional confidence: recognizing their own weak signals, setting clear boundaries, managing tensions without losing control, protecting themselves from difficult personalities, and knowing where their legitimate limits lie.

Establish rituals for regulating workload

An organization that does not regulate workload automatically creates silence. Regular rituals, meetings to regulate workload/objectives, the right to alert management, or even explicit arbitration, enable managers to shake off the impression that they alone are responsible for the impossible.

Establish truly shared vigilance

Managers can no longer be the sole emotional pillar of the team. Vigilance must be shared among employees, managers, HR/QWL managers, senior management, and external stakeholders. This model restores managers to their natural role: that of a professional, supported and protected, rather than an emotional buffer.

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Conclusion: True managerial courage is not about holding back, it's about speaking up.

A manager who speaks up does not weaken their organization. They make it more secure.
A manager who reports issues does not lack leadership. They protect their team.
A manager who asks for help is not weak. They are clear-headed.

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The challenge for HR and QWL managers is no longer to push managers to keep going longer, but to create an environment where they no longer have to bear the emotional burden alone.

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Only mature teams allow a manager to say, "I've reached my limit." This statement is not an admission of weakness. It is a responsible professional act. It is even one of the hallmarks of organizations that stand the test of time.

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Would you like to take action to preserve the well-being of your managers at work? Get in touch with us!